How to Fail This Class
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Lab Safety
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- Don't turn in your homework.
- If you do decide to turn in your homework, turn it in late. Or forget to answer some of the questions.
- Don't take notes while you read or during class.
- Wear sandals to lab. Often.
- Fool around during lab. Especially during the "dangerous" ones that involve chemicals or flames.
- Talk to the person next to you throughout class. Especially when Mrs. Swieson is talking.
- Don't worry about all those subscripts and lables. Or sig figs. Chemistry and physics are way too nit-picky.
- Answer essay questions with as few words as possible. Bonus for one-word answers.
- Mail your exam a day or two late.
- Wait until January to start your science fair project.
Corollary 1. How to Prove That You're a Lazy Student
- Arrive to class late. Regularly.
- Don't show your work. Do everything on your calculator and just copy the answer onto your paper.
- Ignore words like Explain, Describe, or Summarize. Just give a list. (See #8 above.)
- Don't ever write your name on any paper you decide to turn in.
- Email Mrs. Swieson and ask her questions she just answered during class. (See #6 above.)
- Use notebook paper, not graph paper, to make your graphs. And don't label your graphs either.
- Don't read the lab before you start working. Ask Mrs. Swieson, "What do we do next?" instead. Bonus for a whiny voice.
- Don't measure; just eyeball it.
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