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Top Ten Ways to Fail Mrs. Swieson's Science Class

How to Fail This Class

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Lab Safety

  1. Don't turn in your homework.
  2. If you do decide to turn in your homework, turn it in late. Or forget to answer some of the questions.
  3. Don't take notes while you read or during class.
  4. Wear sandals to lab. Often.
  5. Fool around during lab. Especially during the "dangerous" ones that involve chemicals or flames.
  6. Talk to the person next to you throughout class. Especially when Mrs. Swieson is talking.
  7. Don't worry about all those subscripts and lables. Or sig figs. Chemistry and physics are way too nit-picky.
  8. Answer essay questions with as few words as possible. Bonus for one-word answers.
  9. Mail your exam a day or two late.
  10. Wait until January to start your science fair project.

Corollary 1. How to Prove That You're a Lazy Student

  1. Arrive to class late. Regularly.
  2. Don't show your work. Do everything on your calculator and just copy the answer onto your paper.
  3. Ignore words like Explain, Describe, or Summarize. Just give a list. (See #8 above.)
  4. Don't ever write your name on any paper you decide to turn in.
  5. Email Mrs. Swieson and ask her questions she just answered during class. (See #6 above.)
  6. Use notebook paper, not graph paper, to make your graphs. And don't label your graphs either.
  7. Don't read the lab before you start working. Ask Mrs. Swieson, "What do we do next?" instead. Bonus for a whiny voice.
  8. Don't measure; just eyeball it.


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by Lisa Swieson
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Last modified: 21 August 2011